Funny Christmas One Liners for Card
Funny Christmas Card Sayings
Funny Christmas card sayings - drop some clever quips and crazy cards on your wacky, warped, fun-loving friends. And if you need some for the amusement of your own personal self, these short clean jokes will bring you a big bag of fun.
Funny Stuff:
"Christmas," Group 1
Some businessmen are saying that this could be the greatest Christmas ever.
I always thought the first one was.
- Art Fettig
Remember that the important thing is not what you give, or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special time of year, is that you save the receipt.
- Dave Barry
Why were there only three kings at Jesus' birth?
Elvis had not yet entered the building.
May your longest list this Christmas be the one that counts your blessings.
- Unknown Author
Funny Christmas Card
Sayings, Group 2
What's the best part of Christmas shopping?
When you know it's a wrap.
- Melanie White
Know why this Christmas card is awesome?
It's not an email.
It's not a text.
It's not facebook, snapchat, or pinterest.
If you mistakenly wrap a Christmas present in paper that says "Happy Birthday"... Tell the kid next door you're the Christmas Lawyer. You know he's been naughty... This Christmas let's try to keep things in their proper perspective.
You can always write "to Jesus" on it.
But if he gives you half his Christmas presents, you can plead him down to "not very nice."
After all, credit cards do have their limits.
- Melanie White
My goal this Christmas is to be on both lists: Naughty and Nice.
Why should you teach your kids Christmas carols?
Because they can't sing and beg for toys at the same time.
- Melanie White
If Christmas and Hanukkah merged, it would be called:
"Let's celebrate a baby Jew's birthday!"
Funny Christmas Card
Sayings, Group 3
You can feel a real let-down after Christmas.
Especially when all you have to look forward to is your New Year's resolutions.
- Melanie White
Merry Christmas!
Know what the best thing about this card is?
It doesn't come with a fruitcake!
Don't you just hate the blatant materialism of Christmas?
Aren't you just dying to know what you got?
- Melanie White
Need more Christmas cheer? Do what I do: ask Santa to bring you some cheerleaders! After-Christmas sales fulfill a vital need. Christmas shopping for your parents is easy.
- Greg Tamblyn
They give women something to do while men are watching bowl games.
- Melanie White
Just buy them clothes you wouldn't get caught dead in.
- Melanie White
Funny Christmas Card
Sayings, Group 4
When I was a kid I figured out that my parents were Santa. I still have no idea how they made it to all the houses in one night.
- Kelkulus
Scientists have now discovered the reason for post-holiday depression: I'm hoping for a magical Christmas this year.
No more presents until your birthday.
- Melanie White
I'm hoping all my relatives will magically disappear.
- Melanie White
If you're not sure which presents Daddy wrapped, they're the ones that look like they were delivered by a backhoe. I asked my grandmother for wireless headphones for Christmas...
and got some really nice ear muffs.
Thank goodness for all the after-Christmas sales. This Christmas, practice "defensive shopping." What's the best thing about being a kid at Christmas?
It's hard to stop shopping cold turkey.
- Melanie White
Don't go to the mall after December 20th.
- Melanie White
Not having to pay for all of your Christmas gifts.
- Melanie White
Short Clean Jokes:
Christmas Cards , Group 5
Why are Dasher and Dancer always taking coffee breaks? Why are Christmas trees like people who can't knit? What do you call a Christmas card from your crazy ex? If it's cold where you live, today's a good day to break out your "fleece navidad!"
Because they are Santa's star bucks.
They drop their needles.
Sent-a-mental.
(This joke brought to you by my 10 year old)
- gonnnzo
One year our Christmas card photo features me, and the next year my wife, because somebody has to work the camera.
- Just Bill @WilliamAder
Have you ever noticed that making your thoughts count on Christmas... really adds up? You know you've had a good Christmas... I miss the good old days when women thought mistletoe was fun...
- Melanie White
when you spend more time unwrapping presents than untangling lights.
- Melanie White
and not sexual harassment.
- Melanie White
I prepare kids for the real world by treating their Christmas lists as annual reviews:
"You asked for a 20% raise in gifts. While you met your teeth brushing goal, your peer reviews indicate that you are sometimes a butthead."
- Betty @BoomBoomBetty
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
Maybe Christmas ... perhaps ... means a little bit more!"
- Dr. Seuss
Last minute Christmas Gift Idea:
Print out these jokes and tie a bow around the paper!
Follow @JokeQuote111
More like these Funny Christmas Card Sayings? Go here:
Funny Christmas Jokes
Funny Christmas Sayings
Funny Christmas Quotes
Funny Christmas Songs
Santa jokes
Xtra Funny Xmas Jokes
Clean Christmas Jokes
Top 20 Best Christmas Jokes
Top 30 Christmas One-Liners
Christmas Party Jokes Games
Or go back from "Funny Christmas Card Sayings" to "Anniversary Jokes"
Or go back to the Home Page: "Funny Jokes, Funny Quotes, Funny Sayings"
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